I can't do this…..

When I started writing this blog specifically about my training journey to the Marine Corps Marathon, I decided I would be totally honest on here no matter what I was feeling. For me to sit down and 'blog it' I really have to feel it. I just don't sit down in front of my laptop and just toss out ideas. There is a lot of feeling and passion behind each post.



Saturday.
Saturday was my first 7 mile run. I was ready for it and I had been following along with my marathon training but I missed last week because I was sick. Instead of repeating last week since I missed it I decided to just push forward. If anything I have determination and sometimes PURE unhinged stubbornness. Its really what pushes me. I was tired. It was my second trip down south. I was up at 0400 to get ready for work, I worked a full 8 hour shift that was decently busy. I went home and took a nap. I was also on day 4 of my new food/nutrients regiment. I felt okay to start. I decided that I would run 4 miles and then if I needed a break I would take a 30 second rest/stretch and finish the 3 miles. Ive ran 6 miles in a row before so I knew I wouldn't die…

3 miles and felt tired so I took a small break with some water. No biggie, Ive been running 3-4 mile runs for months. Then my app started spazzing out. 4.4 miles.  I stop, adjust. Running again. 4.6 miles my app starts spazzing again. Now, Im looking at the clock, listening to my pace on the app, feeling stress. Fix it again. Running again. Looking at the clock….

6.1 miles. App acts up again. Again I stop. I pull it off my arm out of the sleeve. I set it down & it signs me off saying I completed my run. That is when I had a total meltdown. On the treadmill. I'm livid. I'm frustrated. I put my head on the front of the treadmill and I say to myself (in total seriousness) "I can't do this." And I started crying with my face buried in my soppy sweat soaked towel. I just stand there for a few minutes face buried. I give one big sigh.

I wiped my face off and looked at the clock on the gym wall. I straightened my towel and took some sips of water. I picked up my phone and restarted my 7 mile run scheduled day. My new plan was the run my last mile. I was going to run until it said I had gotten to one mile. It was what I had left. Those 4 songs…. I have to finish this one mile. Then my app said "half way done…" What? It started where I had left off, that one stupid mile. The stupid mile that tried to break me.


This blog post is really for all those people that think  I never want to give up. That I never want to stop. I do. All the time. Quitting is like accepting defeat. And Im not gonna let it take me down.

Monday. 4 miles on the schedule.

Ciao
USMCdaffy….